Phrases and sounds you don’t want to hear as a parent…

1. ‘Morning!’ At 4am! It’s not! 

2. ‘Mummy the my little ponies are having a swim… in the wee wee in my potty!’ 

3. ‘Can we* (*you) build this massive plane from the knex manual?’ #sorefingers

4. ‘Mummy I’ve drawn you a picture; on Esme’s face!’ This is interchangeable with walls/sofas/chairs etc! 

5. ‘Don’t worry, the (4 month old) baby was hungry so I gave him a chip! He really liked it!’  

6. ‘I know what would make the picture even better! Let’s get the glitter out!’ 

7. At 8.31am… ‘Oh I forgot! It’s Chinese day at school today. I need to take something from China!’ 

8. The sound of the Lego box being upturned and completely tipped out! You have hours of scooping the little bastards up and despite being really careful, you’ll miss one piece which will impale itself in your foot, probably during a 3am night feed!  

9. In wickes… ‘daddy I’ve done a wee but the toilet doesn’t flush and I can’t wash my hands!’ ‘That’s because it’s the display bathroom darling, now let’s run to the car quickly!’ 

10. ‘I really, really need a poo!’ Usually when you are as far away from a toilet as it’s possible to be! Just as you’ve got on the motorway and hit a traffic jam for example! 

11. Silence. 

12. ‘Sit down mummy and daddy, we’re doing you a show!’ 

13. ‘I know, I’ll/we’ll help you!’ Applying make up, self service check out, baking a cake- doesn’t matter; the outcome of this sentence is a minimum of 30 minutes of your life you’ll never get back! 

14. ‘I’ve got a really funny joke…’ children can’t tell jokes! Fact! 

15. ‘Mummy! I’ve put some of your lipstick on!’ 

16. ‘I put a penny in my mouth and now it’s disappeared!’ 

17. ‘I put a marble up my nose and now it’s stuck!’ 

The list is endless and I’ll add more as they come up!! I’d love to hear the sounds, phrases and noises that instill fear in your heart! Comment below!