Baby toys.

Got a new baby? Looking for recommendations for good toys that will keep them entertained for hours on end whilst moving forward their emotional, intellectual and lateral thinking? Don’t bother! Here are a list of household items your precious cherub will be just as happy with… 


Our bathroom bin has always proved to be the favourite! Emptying the contents around the floor and whacking it repeatedly is the only way mummy can get a shower! They’ve never been averse to licking the kitchen bin either! 

Dog bowls.

The dirtier and more doggy the better! They make an excellent racket when you bang them up and down and the squeals that mummy makes when you lick it will delight! Ted has picked up the dogs water bowl and poured it over his head 3 times this week- It is now up high, away from little fingers (and subsequently dogs) and poor old Stan is dehydrated! 

But only those plugged into electronic devices that pose a significant threat of electrocution! Those that are attached to things that will fall off high surfaces, such as lamps are also ideal! Any that can be wrapped around necks will bring the ultimate delight! 



Scientists have spent years trying to perfect the ultimate teething ring but no need- the only thing a baby wants to chew is a mobile phone! And if they can dip it in tea or get it to do that pretty cracking thing, even better!  

Washing baskets.

Dirty washing is better than clean but it doesn’t really matter! The fun bit is emptying out and putting it back in again! 


You know those toys they have where you press a button or pull a string and they make a noise? Mummy’s dangly earrings have a similar effect when you give them a good tug! Way more fun! 

Baby wipes 

I have a prepared entire Sunday roasts and cleaned our house from top to bottom after giving a baby a packet of baby wipes to play with! They crinkle and when you pull one out another one magically follows! Hour of fun! Trying to get them back in the packet is less entertaining though! 

Toilet roll

The Andrex puppy has nothing on a mobile baby with a toilet roll in its eye line! Sitting or standing whilst pulling it and making a pile on the floor is the most fun ever! Other than putting your hands in the actual toilet! 

Make-up bags

Loads of things to chew, daub and throw around! The rule of thumb seems to be ‘the more expensive a product is, the more likely they are to want to chew the packaging or eat the contents’! 


They open. They shut. They pose a significant threat of severing your finger. What’s not to love?! 

Kitchen cupboards.

Kitchen cupboards are the ultimate prize in baby entertainment! The speedboat from bullseye if you will! Finger trapping? Check! Stuff to smash? Check! Things to pour, tip and empty from packets and make a massive mess? Check! Things that pose a risk to life? Check!!!! Jack! Pot! 

Car keys.

If you’ve been stupid enough to use car keys to keep your baby distracted while you strap them into a barbed wire cage full of molten lava and man eating snakes (also known as a car seat!) then don’t think for one second you’re getting those bad boys back to actually drive anywhere!!! 

Anything sharp, explosive or generally unsuitable! 

Basically, if it’s small enough to choke on, risks losing a minimum of one limb or poses immediate threat to life, your baby will go bat shit crazy until you let them have it! Older sibling have a range of things that are just the right size for a baby to lodge in a wind pipe or nostril and will helpfully leave them lying around on the floor for them to fine and ingest! 

Science says, the more babies you have, the lower your resistance to allowing them to have all these things to play with will become! 

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